OULIPOST#29: Beauty and the Bust and does size matter?

OULIPOST #29: CANADA DRY

The name of this procedure is taken from the soft drink marketed as “the champagne of ginger ales.” The drink may have bubbles, but it isn’t champagne. In the words of Paul Fournel, who coined the term, a Canada Dry text “has the taste and color of a restriction but does not follow a restriction.” (A musical example is Andrew Bird’s “Fake Palindromes.”)  Be creative, and write a poem sourced from your newspaper that sounds like it’s been Oulipo-ed, but hasn’t.

Size, delay, hardrock
power and rockhard
size, delay, hardrock
men's max delay
instant hardrock
maximum big-size
men's max control
savage power and size
slim magic
Hip booster
Breast firming
big size and confidence?

REFERENCES
Classifieds. The Daily Nation. 29 Apr. 2014. pg 47

A181 Beauty
Size, delay, hardrock
savage power and size sol.
slim magic and tumy trimers
V-Max/power and rockhard
men Aroma therappy
men Aroma therappy
men Spanish Therappy
men Spanish Therappy
Breast firming Mombasa
Hip booster Mombasa ...etc

A230 Health
MENS big size and confidence
MENS instant hardrock

OULIPOST #3: those of the same sex have moved

Every day this April, nearly 80 poets will write one poem per day by applying constrained writing techniques sourced from the Oulipo (Ouvroir de littérature potentielle — or “workshop of potential literature”) group to text sourced from their daily local newspaper. This is the third of thirty prompts in the Oulipost project.

The found poem below is in response to this prompt:

OULIPOST #3: Definitional Lit

Select a single sentence from a newspaper article. Replace each meaningful word in the text [verb, noun, adjective, adverb] by its dictionary definition. Repeat this treatment on the resulting sentence, and so on, until you’ve had enough! 

Selected sentence: "He is accused of claiming that devil worship and homosexuality have rocked the Church."

Level 1: "He is found at fault of asserting as a fact that a supernatural being subordinate to, and the foe of, God and the tempter of man worship and sexual desire for those of the same sex have moved or swayed strongly the Church."

found at fault
asserting as a thing
that has been or is
existing or occurring................................................................outside
the normal experience 
or knowledge of man,
caused by other than 
known forces of nature

being
inferior to or placed
......................below
another in rank, power,
importance, etc;
secondary to one who
maintains personal
enmity, hatred, grudge
malice against another
GOD
and the tempter of
man worship
and sexual desire

those of the same sex have moved
or swayed strongly
the edifice consecrated for public worship,
especially one for a person professing belief in
JESUS
as the Christ, or in the religion based on the teachings of
honor;respect;civil deference.

REFERENCES

Nation Reporter. "Church may defrock satanic and gay claims clergyman." The Daily Nation 3 Apr. 2014: pg 2.

Dictionary used: Websters New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, 2nd Edition.

Unexpectations

Honey, you're not the first person
to go through this kind of thing.
Listen, honey, I think that
maybe you need some help.
Honey, you're not handling it.
We both know what's going on here.

It's been months
You can't keep waiting for him.

I'm not waiting for anything.
I don't expect anything.
I'm not waiting for anything I don't expect.

It's been months.
Can't keep waiting for him.

“Honey, you're not the first.
Listen, honey,
you need some help.
Honey, you're not it.”


Poet's note: Yes, I am a Twihard and proud of it too! This found poem was created from Chapter 4 ("Waking Up") of New Moon, the second book in the Twilight Saga series.

Dumped

It was as if I had been poisoned.
Every nerve and muscle in my body
curled up in the fetal position,
howled with agony.

Poet's note: This found poem was created from a chapter titled "Lost Years" in the amazing book "Clapton: The Autobiography". The poem was created from Eric Clapton's description of his attempt to quit heroin cold turkey.

Post-Mortem

My head is haunted
by so many wishes and thoughts
accusations and reproaches
I'm really not as conceited
as people seem to think

one of my chief accusers
loves me not as a lover
but as a friend
and grows more affectionate
everyday

But what is the mysterious
something that holds us back?
I don't understand it myself

Sometimes I think that my
terrible longing for him
was exaggerated

yet that's not really it.


Poet's note: This found poem was created from the June 14, 1944 diary entry in “The Diary of a Young Girl”. Anne Frank was 13 when her family left Germany during Hitler's persecution of the Jews. In 1942, Anne and her family hid in the back rooms of an office building. In March 1945, Anne died in Belsen, only a few weeks before the world heard about this terrible concentration camp.

I'm scared I'm worthy of being loved (Two Haiku)

Give her a big hug

At a Lakers basketball

game over Christmas

speaking to her friend

Break-up in an interview

Find love of yourself

Poet's note: These two found haiku were created from an online article titled "Demi Moore on Ashton Kutcher split: ‘I’m scared I’m not worthy of being loved’"

We're saving the world, after all

I've watched his eyes
I've listened
I tell you he's the one

That's what you said about
There are doubts about

him

He's too malleable
Too willing to submerge

So what do we do?

him

make me look like
his favorite

We're saving the world, after all

Poet's note: Created from the opening lines of one of my favourite science fiction novels, Orson Scott Card's "Ender's Game"

People Who Abstain (a self-poetry8?)

I used to be a whore
and so
so many are on
the complicated pandemic
of love
just thinking about it
can make you swoon

or wretch

abstinence
is
easily-breakable bracelets
tossed carelessly
into the cellar

people who abstain
are
black-and-white
house-bound
too ugly to get laid, living
under the alias of ‘abstinent’, ‘ unhappily
booty-free’
they wear glasses
read the Bible

and write

Poet's note: This is a found poem created from the description of an allpoetry.com contest courtesy of the very young and very talented poet “greenewhiplash”. The title of the contest was “Watiting ‘til Marriage: A contest on Romance and Society"

Shoot Your Honour

my mind tortures me
with thoughts of what might have been
and what might be to come
I can feel my mind

I used to love what they were
how they thought
and now I dread it when they come
cause I loathe the way they make me feel

I am filled
WITH AN ABSOLUTE SENSE OF OUTRAGE!
that you who have no knowlegde of me whatsoever
have the power to condemn me

because you cannot see the pain
there's no blood
there's no screaming
so you can't see

your honour.
if you saw,
you'd shoot
it

Poet's note: This is a found poem created from a scene off the brilliant movie "Whose life is it anyway?" which I watched yesterday night on TCM! The movie is quite funny yet deeply touching too. I was particularly moved by the court room scene and it just screamed to be turned into a found poem :-) Here's the scene:
http://youtu.be/CCpk1PQviz0

Secy!

Yeah, I have that effect
on people

's spelling.

Nothing you say is safe

I couldn't believe my eye
when I heard about this guy
just flat out GIVING away
his nuts?!?

Poet's Note: This found poem was created from a spam email I received from one Jessica Anderson titled "Nothing you say is safe Mildred" :-)

Sterile Snapshot

Two hot and sweaty naked bodies.
I don't want to take her place.

Keep her then.
Do some medical experiments on her...

i Vai for your attention 2

having sex on stage
Where the Wild things are
Oh the energy!

The Asian chick
"Held"

Coupling Couplet

Would you still come
If you knew I won't sleep you?

I love getting from you

I love getting from you are so witty!
If we skin
What shall we do with the skin?
What is it you would do to cure me?

Cheap

Hugs
Sitting on the toilet
That's a start I guess

Basic human needs
Your body and mind
Missing

Visit for a week
Keep my hands off you
Feel cheap afterwards

Keep my hands off you
Feel cheap afterwards